{"id":297,"date":"2014-11-07T08:00:45","date_gmt":"2014-11-07T14:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/?p=297"},"modified":"2017-03-11T10:21:50","modified_gmt":"2017-03-11T16:21:50","slug":"fiction-dragonomics-by-richard-j-dowling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/?p=297","title":{"rendered":"Fiction: “Dragonomics” by Richard J. Dowling"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"dragonomics\"<\/a>U<\/span>nlike most of his brethren, <\/strong>the dragon Slagadune slept with both eyes closed, for he could smell any intruder foolhardy enough to stumble into his cave. A single blast of his blazing breath would turn the hardest steel to ash and melt skin and bones to butter. What\u2019s more, dragonfire was not the only weapon at his disposal…<\/p>\n

And so he snored comfortably through the night, curled atop his mountain of gold.<\/p>\n

Until, that is, just after the witching hour, when an unmistakeable stench made his nostrils flare, and snatched him from his sleep, and he woke already knowing that into his domain a familiar creature had come. More than one, in fact, as the odour was overpoweringly strong. Sure enough, six pairs of beady eyes shone through the gloom like gems.<\/p>\n

\u201cDwarves,\u201d he rasped. \u201cCome to steal my gold have you? Slagadune shall steal your souls.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBe quiet, dragon,\u201d said one of the dwarves. \u201cNeither the gold nor our lives belong to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

In all his thousands of years, Slagadune had never been addressed with such contempt. He slithered down the treasure mound until his head was level with the intruders.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhose tongue is it that so brazenly defies me?\u201d<\/p>\n

The largest of the dwarves stepped forward. His beard reached his knees. His frame, covered in black armour, was as stout as a cart-horse. When he spoke, his voice boomed throughout the cave.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy name is Bern. I am son of Wern, son of Pern, son of\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEnough,\u201d Slagadune growled. \u201cWhat do you mean, the gold isn\u2019t mine?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou stole that treasure. From one of my forefathers. He was named Vern, son of Cern, son of\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStole? Dragons do not steal. He gave it to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou lie,\u201d said Bern. \u201cGive us back our gold, or we will take your head.\u201d<\/p>\n

The dwarves raised their axes.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy claim to the gold is true, dwarfling. Your ancestor, er. . . Hern?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVern.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour ancestor Vern insisted<\/em> that I take it. He said I was doing him a favour.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHa! So you admit the gold is dwarvish in origin?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course the gold is dwarvish in origin. All the gold in the world is of dwarvish origin! You\u2019re the only fools on the planet digging it up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen give it back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we had an agreement! Didn\u2019t your ancestor say anything about this?\u201d<\/p>\n

One of the other dwarves, Slagadune thought it possibly a female as the beard was quite short, raised her hand. \u201cWell, there is the Lay of Vern.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a song. It tells of the fire-breathing dragon who stole Vern\u2019s gold.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe utter liar!\u201d said Slagadune, almost falling off his mountain of gold in surprise.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe fair lady Agrist speaks the truth,\u201d said Bern, confirming that the other dwarf was in fact a female. \u201cBut I grow tired of talk. Let\u2019s do what dwarves do best!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDig?\u201d ventured Agrist.<\/p>\n

\u201cFight,\u201d said Bern. \u201cWe\u2019re best at fighting. Then comes digging.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another voice piped up, \u201cI thought we were best at arguing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then they were all at it: \u201cArguing? Arguing is just a subset of fighting!\u201d \u201cDigging is what we\u2019re famous for! Even the dragon said so!\u201d \u201cSinging! And I\u2019ll fight anyone who says otherwise.\u201d<\/p>\n

Slagadune belched forth a stream of liquid fire.<\/p>\n

All six dwarves fell silent, slapping the sparks away from their singed beards.<\/p>\n

\u201cPermit me to ask a question,\u201d said Slagadune. \u201cWhy do you want the gold?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause it\u2019s ours,\u201d said Bern.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s put the issue of ownership to one side for the moment. What is it about gold that you like?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s easy.\u201d The dwarf swung his axe into the ground and used the upturned handle to lean upon. \u201cIt makes you rich.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course. With gold you can buy anything you want.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see the problem now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat problem?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou haven\u2019t been taught the basics of Supply and Demand.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA dwarf doesn\u2019t need to be taught anything! All dwarves need to know about is digging.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA-ha!\u201d said Agrist. \u201cI had the truth of it! Digging is what we do best.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a gasp, Slagadune filled his lungs. This time around the mere threat of dragonfire was enough to get their attention. He relaxed his breath and returned to his lesson. \u201cLet\u2019s imagine you take all this gold back to your kingdom. What happens next?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe live like kings!\u201d Bern roared.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoing what, exactly?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBuying stuff. I don\u2019t know. . . Beer. Axes. Women.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd men,\u201d said Agrist, butting in quickly.<\/p>\n

\u201cSplendid.\u201d said Slagadune. \u201cLet\u2019s take the example of axes. How much does an axe cost?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAbout twenty farthings.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd how quickly can your smith produce an axe, pray tell?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bern shrugged. \u201cAgrist?\u201d<\/p>\n

Agrist stroked her beard. \u201cI\u2019d say a week or so. For a good axe, that is. Freshly mined ore, solid oak handle, fine jewels and all that.\u201d<\/p>\n

The other dwarves muttered their agreement.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo he wouldn\u2019t be able to produce six new axes at the drop of a hat?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bern laughed. \u201cNo. He\u2019d get in a right state, would old Hagrin.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen who would get the first axe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would,\u201d said Bern.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou would not,\u201d said Agrist.<\/p>\n

Then each dwarf was claiming the right to the first axe. Finally, Slagadune lobbed a fire bomb into the middle of the group and order was restored.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s look at things from Hagrin\u2019s perspective, shall we? He has six customers screaming for a new axe, and they all want it now. But he can only produce one axe every seven days. That means most of you would be waiting for weeks or even months.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMonths? For an axe<\/em>?\u201d Bern was incredulous. \u201cHe can stick that up his mining passage.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cExactly,\u201d said Slagadune. \u201cNot wishing to lose customers, Hagrin would have to step-up production. He\u2019d hire more hands to help. But then he\u2019d have to pay them. So that means his costs increase. If he sold you an axe before for twenty farthings, maybe he\u2019d have to push the price up to thirty farthings or more to cover his expenses.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThirty farthings? That\u2019s a bit steep.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt gets worse,\u201d said Slagadune. \u201cPresuming your village, like all dwarf villages, has full employment, the only way Hagrin could get more staff is by offering higher wages than other employers. The workers he\u2019s taken on are now getting more money than they were before. And what do they with it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSpend it?\u201d said Agrist.<\/p>\n

\u201cExactly. And the same forces work their magic all over again. The sudden influx of such an enormous quantity of gold means that pretty soon you have a General Price Rise.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we\u2019d still be rich. We\u2019d have all the gold.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you wouldn\u2019t,\u201d said Slagadune. \u201cBefore long, the cost of everything would go up so much you\u2019d be paying a king\u2019s fortune for a loaf of bread. At some point your gold, being a finite resource, would simply run out. And then, my friends, then you\u2019d be witnessing a Complete Collapse of the Market.\u201d<\/p>\n

The dwarves shuddered and cursed. Bern drew them into a huddled circle, where they talked amongst themselves for a good while. Finally, their leader turned back to face the dragon:<\/p>\n

\u201cMy financial advisers have found a way around this magical price rise.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey have?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. We don\u2019t spend any of the gold.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cExcellent. That would be the perfect solution. Well, I\u2019m glad we figured it out in the end. Can you find the way out on your own?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSurrender the gold, dragon!\u201d Bern raised his axe and roared a battle cry. His fellow dwarves clattered their shields.<\/p>\n

Slagadune shook his head in disbelief. \u201cYou just said you weren\u2019t going to use it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll hoard it,\u201d said Bern. \u201cDwarves are good at hoarding.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt comes right after digging,\u201d said Agrist, fists on hips.<\/p>\n

Before another fight broke out, Slagadune got the conversation back on track. \u201cAm I to understand that you intend to take the gold back to your village, and then not spend it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d Bern nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what good is it to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it\u2019ll be there. For an emergency.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll have tons of gold just sitting around in your houses?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. No. Under the bed, maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t think someone might steal it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bern\u2019s eyes popped. Once again the dwarves dropped into a huddle. After what seemed like an hour, Bern turned to the dragon.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy security experts have come up with a solution.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf that I had no doubt whatsoever.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you guard our gold?\u201d<\/p>\n

Slagadune smiled his biggest smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut before we agree,\u201d said Agrist, \u201chow much would it cost?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, for how long do you wish me to guard it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cForever?\u201d said Bern.<\/p>\n

\u201cForever is quite a long time. How much money have you got on you?\u201d<\/p>\n

The dwarves dutifully turned out their pockets, opened their money bags, and rooted around in other hiding places. The resulting hill of gold coins was quite, quite pleasing.<\/p>\n

Slagadune gave his assent, and with the contract agreed upon, the dwarves thanked him most graciously for his help.<\/p>\n

\u201cI shall write a Lay in your honour,\u201d said Bern.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I shall keep your gold safe,\u201d replied Slagadune. \u201cForever.\u201d<\/p>\n

The dwarves left the cave singing a happy song and Slagadune climbed back on top of the newly-swollen mountain of gold. It had been a rewarding night. He shut both eyes and went back to sleep.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

RICHARD J. DOWLING<\/strong> is a writer who hopes to bring a smile to the faces of life-forms throughout the galaxy and in all dimensions. Born in England, he currently resides in Spain and, for the moment, is happy living on Earth. You can reach him at his facebook page: https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/RichardJDowling<\/a><\/p>\n

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Unlike most of his brethren, the dragon Slagadune slept with both eyes closed, for he could smell any intruder foolhardy enough to stumble into his cave. A single blast of his blazing breath would turn the hardest steel to ash and melt skin and bones to butter. What\u2019s more<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":292,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,10],"tags":[19,6],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/297"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=297"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/297\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":316,"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/297\/revisions\/316"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/292"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=297"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=297"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=297"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}