![\"heartofdorkness\"](\"http:\/\/stupefyingstoriesshowcase.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/HeartofDorkness.jpg\")
<\/a>T<\/span>he con had wound down.<\/strong> The fans were all gone back to their mundane lives, leaving the five of us in the con suite. Our host, the Gaming Director, passed around what was left of the free sodas. We drank and stared out the window as darkness gathered in the skies above the hotel. The Power Gamer spoke of adventures long past, with the Rules Law\u00adyer interrupting whenever the Power Gamer incorrectly stated a rule. The rest of us lis\u00adtened, extending the camara\u00adderie of the con just a bit longer.<\/p>\nAs the Power Gamer wound down Marlow took over the narrative. \u201cAh, friend, you have put me in mind of ancient games and old times. Of when Third Edition con\u00adquered the gaming realms, banishing our cherished char\u00adacters as mere second-edition cardboard characters. The end of the era when all it took was a handful of dice and a few spare minutes to bring your character to life.\u201d<\/p>\n
We all lifted our soda cans in salute to the bygone age as Marlow continued. \u201cTo learn this new approach to gaming, many of us ventured forth to small cons, far from the great cities and great hotels of the major cons. I was among those who ventured far from game shops, far from comic book stores, far from civilization itself. I remember not the name of the con, just that my dear aunt was on the con com\u00admittee and could get me in for free. Friends, a free con does not mean a good con. Let this serve as a warning to you.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe con was held in a small motel with only three floors. As I waited in line to register, I wondered how any\u00adone could gain the true con experience without the long wait for an elevator or the frustration of missing a cher\u00adished event because it was too far from the gaming tables to visit between rounds. They got one part of the experience right. The registration line was painfully slow! Yet after that promising start, events spiraled ever downward.<\/p>\n
\u201cEmerging at last from the registration line, I was pre\u00adpared to rush to the game room to register for all the good adventures. But my dear aunt grabbed me at the last second. Members of the 501st<\/sup> Legion of Stormtroopers had to be guided to the Star Wars room. From there, I was pressed into service dropping a band of elven warriors off at the Lord of the Rings room. From there, I took Spider-Man to the superhero room and then guided some goths to the Vampire LARP. By the time I escaped from con committee supervision and reached the gaming room, all of the first-round games but one were filled. I read the adventure description. \u2018A band of adven\u00adturers travel up a river into the heart of the Orc lands to rescue Kurtz, a great human warrior, and bring him to the safety of the lawful lands.\u2019 It sounded like a good adventure. I quickly signed up for it, and, as first-round games were about to begin, went in search of the table.<\/p>\n \u201cI should have known there was a problem when I saw the way the gamemaster was dressed. Instead, I just assumed he hadn\u2019t done his laundry recently and that\u2019s why he was stuck wearing khaki pants, an Oxford shirt, and loafers to a con. I was the last player to arrive. Charac\u00adter sheets were passed out as soon as I sat down. Before looking at the character sheet I started setting up for serious gaming: getting out my first-round dice, arranging paper and my pen; the typical approach for any gamer. This met with the disapproval of the gamemaster. \u2018You should start reading your character sheet immediately. You have much to learn about your character.\u2019<\/p>\n \u201cI looked at the character sheet and revised that to char\u00adacter sheets<\/em>. The guy had writ\u00adten six pages of information about the character! All the important stuff was at the beginning, or so I thought. I was a good fighter but could sail a boat due to blah blah blah blah. The gamemaster had used two pages just to explain how my character learned seamanship. Those two pages even included why my character disliked tuna fish! By now, the other players and I were casting glances back and forth, wondering what we had gotten ourselves into. We soon learned.<\/p>\n \u201cThe six characters had been hired to take a boat up-river into Orc lands, to rescue the mighty warrior, just as the adventure description said. As boat\u2019s captain, I ordered every\u00adone to the boat so we could cast off. \u2018No, you don\u2019t,\u2019 the game\u00admaster told me. \u2018The boat is badly in need of repairs.\u2019 I just stared at the gamemaster and then said, \u2018Fine. We repair the boat and then cast off.\u2019 The gamemaster frowned and shook his head. \u2018You don\u2019t have enough nails to do the job.\u2019<\/p>\n \u201cAnd so we spent the first thirty minutes of the game try\u00ading to buy enough nails to repair the ship. We had a dwarf in the group and tried to have him strike a deal with the local dwarven smiths. But, no, that we could not do. In this land dwarves were farmers, not smiths. I could not believe what I was hearing. Dwarven farmers<\/em>? By the gods! But the nails were not the end of the foolishness. Upon completing our repairs, we found that a large band of Orcs had slipped onto the boat. This, I thought, was more like it. \u2018I draw my sword and attack the Orcs,\u2019 I said. The gamemaster did it to me again. \u2018No, you don\u2019t,\u2019 he said. \u2018This is the crew you hired to help sail the boat upriver.\u2019<\/p>\n \u201cWe all stared at the game\u00admaster in disbelief. \u2018I hired a crew?\u2019 I asked. \u2018Yes,\u2019 he replied. \u2018Of Orcs?\u2019 I asked. \u2018Yes,\u2019 he replied. \u2018I did this knowing a dwarf was a member of the crew? A dwarf<\/em>, whose racial enemy is Orcs?\u2019 I asked again. \u2018Oh, that!\u2019 the gamemaster replied. \u2018The dwarf was raised by benign Orc farmers after his parents died in a plague. The dwarf has quite a kindly dispo\u00adsition towards them.\u2019 This was too much for the player with the dwarf. \u2018I have a kindly dis\u00adposition towards Orcs<\/em>?\u2019 he cried. \u2018I did not see that on my character sheet!\u2019 The game\u00admaster merely smiled. \u2018Yet it is there. Look at Appendix B, Footnote Four.\u2019 The dwarven player rifled through his char\u00adacter sheets. When his head fell into his hands, we knew the gamemaster had won the point.<\/p>\n \u201cOur band set forth to sail the river. And we discovered that our little boat was a steamboat rather than a sail\u00ading boat. The gamemaster had prepared himself for an argu\u00adment, but we accepted the steam engine. Fantasy some\u00adtimes features steam power along with magical power. Besides, we thought the steam engine would let us reach the real adventure area quickly. After an hour of finding nails, fixing the boat, and arguing over Orc crewmen, I assure you that we were all prepared to do battle against hordes of Orcs. It didn\u2019t work that way.<\/p>\n \u201cThe gamemaster spent the next hour and a half nar\u00adrating our journey upstream in excruciating detail. He described the plants on the river banks. He described the rancid meat the Orcs ate, in such detail that I lost my appe\u00adtite for lunch! He described the villages we passed. He even described the number of mos\u00adquito bites our characters received and how badly the bites itched. Then, finally, after what felt like forever, our boat was attacked by savage Orcs! At last, we players thought, a call to action!<\/p>\n \u201cI told the gamemaster, \u2018I draw my sword and leap to attack the closest Orc!\u2019 The gamemaster frowned in disap\u00adproval, telling me, \u2018There is another way to deal with this.\u2019 Through clenched teeth I repeated, \u2018I draw my sword and leap to attack the closest Orc!\u2019 The gamemaster gave me a piercing stare, as if willing me to find this other way of which he spoke. I stared right back as I rolled for initiative. \u2018I got a 13 for initiative,\u2019 I announced. Throwing his hands up, the gamemaster said, \u2018Fine. Ruin the adventure. It\u2019s your loss.\u2019<\/p>\n \u201cFor the next thirty min\u00adutes, we players actually had fun. Not as much fun as we could have had, as the game\u00admaster gave only the barest descriptions of the combat. There was no spurting blood or hacked-off limbs, just, \u2018You hit, roll damage,\u2019 repeated in a monotone. All too soon, the battle was over and our cleric set about healing us. My char\u00adacter spoke to the crewmen. \u2018Gather up the bodies, boys! Fresh meat is back on your menu!\u2019 The gamemaster snarled, \u2018Your character would not say that!\u2019 I snarled right back, \u2018He just did!\u2019 The game\u00admaster made a note. \u2018That\u2019s going to cost you experience points for playing out-of-char\u00adacter. And why did you fight the Orcs? You could have scared them away simply by sounding the steam whistle!\u2019 After the six of us had scraped our jaws off the table, I replied, \u2018Because it\u2019s more fun to fight!\u2019 The gamemaster actually tilted his head back to make sure his nose was in position to look down, and said, \u2018Oh, I see. You are a group of roll<\/em> players rather than role<\/em> players.\u2019 You could actually hear the double-L in roll, too.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was at that time that our gamemaster gave us the first good news of this adven\u00adture. \u2018So much time was lost in the fruitless battle with the Orcs,\u2019 he told us, \u2018I am forced to rush your journey upriver. Much flavor will be lost.\u2019 Smiles broke out all around. Our fight had earned us a fast trip to the rescue of the mighty warrior! The gamemaster brushed over the next ten days of travel, ten days I believe it would have taken an hour and a half for the gamemaster to complete!<\/p>\n \u201cSoon we were bringing the boat to the riverside, ready for an exciting rescue. Before we left the boat, we tied up the Orc crew so that they would not simply steal the boat. This course of action did not sit well with the gamemaster. \u2018No, no, no!\u2019 he protested, looking at our dwarven player. \u2018Your character would not allow these Orcs to be so mis\u00adtreated!\u2019 The dwarven player, his jaw firmly set, replied, \u2018My dwarf is on the deck, whistling loudly. He hears nothing, sus\u00adpects nothing, does nothing.\u2019 Oh, did the gamemaster rant and rail about that, although he knew there was little he could do to force the issue.<\/p>\n \u201cMoments later, we slipped into the jungle beside the river, moving towards a hilltop fire. Chanting could be heard coming from the hilltop. Perhaps the mighty warrior was about to be sacrificed to an evil Orc god! Anticipating a good fight, we hurried ahead\u2014and literally tripped over a human man as he lay watch\u00ading the Orc ceremony. \u2018Kurtz the warrior, I presume?\u2019 I said. All hopes of a daring rescue collapsed when the man answered, \u2018Aye, Kurtz I am. You are the men sent to rescue me?\u2019 At our nods, the man looked toward the fire, \u2018longly,\u2019 the gamemaster told us, and then said, \u2018I do not wish to leave this… this… ceremony, gentlemen. It beckons, draw\u00ading me toward it.\u2019<\/p>\n \u201cI cast a glance at the other players. \u2018I suspect Kurtz is bespelled. We shall not draw him from this evil place while the spell still stands.\u2019 Looking at the gamemaster, who was about to say something, I loudly proclaimed, \u2018Drawing my sword, I charge into the clearing and attack the near\u00adest Orc!\u2019 I knew I had done the right thing as the gamemaster had despair written all over his face. \u2018No!\u2019 he said. \u2018He is not bespelled! Kurtz simply longs to join the uncivilized simplicity of the native cul\u00adture!\u2019 I cut him off. \u2018The Orcs are obviously caught flat-footed. We all get a free attack before they can react!\u2019 Ah, the protests and wails of the gamemaster ring in my ears still! It was not much of a fight, but it was worth it sim\u00adply to hear him wail and com\u00adplain.<\/p>\n \u201cTwo combat rounds later, the Orc bodies littered the ground. As we searched the bodies, Kurtz charged into the clearing screaming at us. We all knew the gamemaster was just using Kurtz as a way of yelling at us. We also noted that the gamemaster had not had Kurtz draw his sword. We waited until he reached us and then all attacked at once. Oh, the look on the gamemaster\u2019s face! It was worth the entire excuse for an adventure! Kurtz did not live to draw his blade again. We looted his body as well, and then returned to the boat. Once there, we slaugh\u00adtered the Orc crew, looted their bodies, and set sail back down the river.<\/p>\n \u201cWe got no farther, as the gamemaster completely lost his composure. \u2018You cretins! You morons! I spent over a year<\/em> designing this adventure, drawing from one of the great works of English literature! I thought I could bring culture to the likes of you! I should have known better!\u2019 By this time the entire gaming room had gone quiet as everyone turned to watch our table.<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps I should have let the gamemaster stalk out with the last word, yet I did not. \u2018What great work of literature was the adventure based upon?\u2019 I asked. All energy seemed to have flowed out of the gamemaster. He answered quietly. \u2018It was Heart of Dark\u00adness<\/em>.\u2019 The other players all looked confused. Obviously, they did not recognize the story. I took pity on them and explained, \u2018Heart of Darkness<\/em> is part of the second Dark Elf Trilogy that TSR published back before Wizards of the Coast bought them.\u2019 For some reason, the gamemaster cried, \u2018The horror! The horror!\u2019 and ran from the gaming room. I looked at my fellow players. \u2018The gamemaster is right. The Dark Elf Trilogy is<\/em> one of the great works of English litera\u00adture.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a4<\/p>\n The Gaming Director looked out the window again. Darkness completely covered the hotel. It was time to leave. Time to return to the mun\u00addane world, just as all the oth\u00aders had done. Standing, he said, \u201cWow, it\u2019s a pity that guy did such a bad job of convert\u00ading the dark elf stuff. That could have been an adventure for the ages.\u201d<\/p>\n We all nodded sagely, fil\u00ading from the con suite. The Gaming Director hit the light switch and closed the door. Behind us, darkness claimed the heart of the con.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Henry has been part of the Stupefying Stories<\/em> core crew since before the beginning, and it\u2019s no exaggeration to say that Stupefying Stories<\/em> would not exist today without his steadfast friendship, his unfailing support, and\u2014not to put too fine a point on it\u2014his remarkably successful novels. Beginning with his 2014 YA space opera (he prefers the term \u201cplanetary romance\u201d), Scout\u2019s Honor<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/span>, followed in 2015 by Scout\u2019s Oath<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/a> and Scout\u2019s Duty<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/a> (and coming November 1st, Scout\u2019s Law<\/span><\/strong>; no cover preview yet but I’m copy-editing it right now), the sales of Henry\u2019s novels are what have been keeping the doors open, the lights on, and the checking account in the black, these past two years here in the fabulous Rampant Loon Media Building.<\/p>\n In 2016 Henry \u201cgraduated\u201d to writing more mature action\/adventure space opera (though those of us who grew up reading Andre Norton and Heinlein and Asimov juveniles might object to that characterization), releasing his most successful novel to date, The Fugitive Heir<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/span>, followed by The Fugitive Pair<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/span>, and the same-universe-but-not-the-same-series standalone novel, The Counterfeit Captain<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/span>, which for my money is his best book yet.<\/p>\n<\/center> <\/p>\n<\/a>Growing up, Henry Vogel<\/strong> worked at the usual range of menial jobs, from grocery-store bag boy to pizza delivery to retail sales, before ending up in software development. In between the menial and the IT jobs, he achieved some small measure of fame as the co-editor of Eternity Science Fiction<\/em> magazine, the co-creator and writer of the Southern Knights<\/em> and X-Thieves<\/em> comic book series, and the million-copy-selling writer of some comic book scripts for one of the big dogs. For the past ten years he has also been a professional storyteller, performing regularly in the North Carolina area. He currently lives in Raleigh, NC, with his wife, son, cat, and a lot of imaginary friends who are all clamoring to have him tell their stories.<\/p>\n<\/a> <\/a> <\/a><\/p>\n